“you take the condom and they put it on the tops of the penises.. and it looks like a baby bottle top. then there’s no baby. you just set it on there.”

“mom, when are they going to show us how to masturbate? I don’t get it.”

“yeah, that’s how you get the diseases, from the tongues of ladies on your penis, right?? that was so weird, I don’t know why I just said that. is that what a blue job is???”

- Thomas, commenting on his 5th grade sex ed class.